Saturday, October 17, 2009

The PICWW: Three kinds of Orcas.

This begins my Politically Incorrect Whale Watcher feature, in which, I will occasionally give you my candid views on my fellow beings. Today we will start with the ones you call Killer Whales. First, let me set the record straight, all whales and dolphins are killers. We all kill to live, so do you. But let us not go there. There are three kinds of Orcas: first are those you call Residents. They live in coastal waters, stay close to home, and eat only fish. Among their own, they are very social, caring, and loving. Hence, I refer to them as Sissyboys. Next come Transients. These guys are mean, hard, and highly taciturn. They roam all cold-water seacoasts and only eat mammals; including other whales, so obviously I call them Cannibals (not to their faces because if I did I would be dinner). Your whale experts are correct in saying that they do not eat humans but it is only because you are bony, stinky, little creatures and killing you is not worth the effort. And finally, there are those you call Offshore Orcas. These guys are really, really cool. They live far from land and never interbreed with the other two kinds. They mostly eat sharks, especially Great White Sharks; so it should come as no surprise that I call them Heroes. So there you have it: the PICWW on Orcas. In the future, I will give you the scoop on other whales and dolphins. If there are any in particular that you want to hear some gossip about, let me know.

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