Wednesday, March 17, 2010

An Alternate Universe St. Patrick's Day Wish

A U.S. District Court in Los Angeles today pronounced sentence on the chef of a sushi restaurant, and on the CEO of its parent company. Both men were convicted in the illegal sale of meat from Sei Whales. When questioned why they had continued to serve whale meat despite knowing it was from an endangered species and prohibited under the Marine Mammal Protection Act, the men just shrugged and said that whales are nothing more than big, fat, juicy ocean-dwelling hogs. Apparently, they were unaware that such marine matters are handled within the United States Littoral Waters federal court system, and unfortunately for the accused, its current presiding judge is a Grey Whale whose brother-in-law, a Sei Whale, went missing in the Southern Ocean last year (the Japanese claim they know nothing of his disappearance). The defense attorney for the accused, a Transient Orca who also enjoys eating whale meat, insisted the men were doing nothing more than what is common practice by people in Japan, Iceland and Norway. Despite this argument, a jury made up of Bottlenose Dolphins, Minke and Humpback Whales found the men guilty as charged. As proscribed by the law, the men will be dragged behind a U.S. Coast Guard motor launch through the waters off the Farallon Islands next September at the start of the Great White Shark season. So let it be written, so let it be done!

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